what dreams may come

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naturally, the internets ran out at the end of December...but I figured I'd post this anyway, in the spirit of #slow-writing....:P

I'm not a fan of retrospectives, and having played along for a couple of years, decided I don't like choosing a Word, either.

I understand the value of goal-setting and I've experienced, first-hand, how setting tasks and goals can send one's productivity soaring...but I'm not mapping out an empire-building strategy.

I'm an unapologetic stationery-whore....I recently had to talk myself off a stationery-buying ledge at Indigo....but I'm not buying myself a planner for 2016.  I didn't buy one for 2015, either. Which was hard, because I actually think planners are sexy beasts.

The plan for 2015 - even before my world tilted sharply on it's axis - was not to plan.

I'd spent several previous years planning the crap out of my world, setting myself all manner of lofty goals and making all sorts of brave declarations of how things would be, only to burn myself out.

The problem with all that wasn't so much the planning, but it was the things I was chasing after that were all wrong. I'd convinced myself I wanted a certain way of life and proceeded to try and hunt it down using other people's methods.

I find that using other people's methods for most things,  rarely works for me.

I may have mentioned my contrariness once or twice before....;)

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Anyway - 2015, despite being The Year of Shite - produced some Good Things too. None of which were planned ahead any further than their actual beginnings.

So I'm rolling with that.

Oh, I'm not pantsing it entirely, I have a loose notion of what I'd like to do this year - and I'm leaning quite sharply into the idea of Contribution, rather than Accomplishment as a motivator. [thank you, lovely Megan from The Scent of Water, for that wonderful distinction]. For instance, I'd like to publish two books, plant a hedge, plant more roses, spend more time scribbling in notebooks, clear out the Room of Doom....you know, just stuff.

One thing I would dearly love to do is to find my bloggy equilibrium again. I'm in a constant state of wafflement over what/when/where/how, and perpetually battling the public/private issue.

I've decided I think too much and, once again, have been caught up in following other people's methods.

So maybe I'll just sit down and write. Maybe that's the answer - in much the same way as how I'd like the rest of the year to go.....in an uncomplicated flow of just letting things unfold as they may.

~m. xo